Wake Up And Smell The Enfeebling Liquor

Having woken with a bout of delirium tremens, I decide it’s time to reduce my caffeine intake. Were she alive, this would no doubt please the disgruntled wife behind the 1674 Women’s Petition Against Coffee.

Cover image from Folger Shakespeare Library

She wrote: ‘Coffee leads men to scald their chops and spend money – all for nasty, stinking, nauseous puddle-water. They come home with nothing stiff but joints, nor standing but ears. They pretend ‘twil keep them waking, but we find by scurvy experience they sleep quietly after it.’

In response, her husband published the 1674 Men’s Petition For Coffee. It read: ‘Put ye kettle on, love.’

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7 Responses to Wake Up And Smell The Enfeebling Liquor

  1. modobs says:

    So, it means you will switch to porridge with brown sugar ?

  2. rivergirlie says:

    do you remember that funny little sandwich-board man at oxford circus, with his ‘less protein, less passion’ pamphlet? are they in some way related, i wonder?

  3. pleite says:

    I’ll say one thing for the well-willer, though. She’s right that coffee dries. But I don’t know if it enfeebels.

  4. Hannah says:

    I gave up caffeine months ago. I caved and had a latte today. It was amaaaaaaaaaazing.

  5. 100 Words says:

    M: I think it means I’ll be switching to a completely empty stomach, at least until lunchtime

    R: No – is he the same guy who shouts ‘Don’t be a sinner, be a winner’ through a loudspeaker, 24/7? They’re all part of one big family of inbreds, I reckon

    P: She’s wrong. I haven’t had a coffee for, oh, 20 minutes now, and I’m already feeling very weak

    H: Good things come to those who wait, n’est-ce pas?

  6. :) I might take that flyer into work and put it on the coffee machine…

  7. short and snappy says:

    What…..!! ‘They come home with nothing stiff but joints, nor standing but ears….’ sounds like she should be petitioning for a new man!

    Nice to see you back and sharing your 100 words with the masses.

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