Sunday
24-hours ago – after a purgatorial car journey – we arrived at a lavish country pile to celebrate the nuptials of two friends. Since then, I’ve taken a crash-course in wedding-etiquette, and now know the following.
Churches are neither dormitories, nor places of comedy.
It’s inadvisable to commence festivities by consuming a beverage called ‘Dark and Stormy’.
The father-of-the-bride appreciates being compared to Sean Connery, but not in a ridiculous cod-Connery drawl.
When the stranger sitting next to you at dinner complains about getting a stringy bit of celery stuck in her teeth, one shouldn’t make reference to her husband’s pubic hair.
May 15, 2007 at 6:04 pm
A string of celery? Is that like a string of garlic?
What a gob that woman must have.
May 15, 2007 at 8:24 pm
Er, no. But I can see where you’re coming from, so I’m going to change it.
Nice to hear from you again.
May 16, 2007 at 12:17 am
And who told you all this? Did you check their credentials? ALWAYS ask to see a warrant card before accepting random bits of spurious advice.
NOT true about the celery thing, btw. Pubic hair remarks are de rigeur.
May 16, 2007 at 9:17 am
everywhere’s a dormitory to me at the moment. i fell asleep in a lecture by germaine greer last week – i consider myself lucky not to have had something thrown at me. what’s in a dark and stormy? and why do i never get to sit next to people like you at weddings?
May 16, 2007 at 10:16 am
M: Alas, these were all lessons learned first-hand, at various stages of proceedings
R: D+S is half a glass of rum, half a glass of ginger beer. It was developed by NASA.
May 16, 2007 at 10:48 am
Dark and Stormy’s are my drink of choice – for future ref: the rum has to be of the dark variety as the name suggests!
May 16, 2007 at 11:01 am
Thanks for the clarification, S+S. Never knew you had it in you … for future ref: avoid.
May 19, 2007 at 3:49 pm
dark and stormy sounds and probably tastes really yummy!
weddings do need a bit of lively action. the ones i’ve been to have been good but traditional. that’s why if i ever get married it will be in las vegas with elvis as the minister.
May 21, 2007 at 6:14 am
May 21, 2007 at 10:51 am
AAAIIGHHHH!!! Too funny!
December 21, 2007 at 5:58 pm
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