Sunday
24-hours ago – after a purgatorial car journey – we arrived at a lavish country pile to celebrate the nuptials of two friends. Since then, I’ve taken a crash-course in wedding-etiquette, and now know the following.
Churches are neither dormitories, nor places of comedy.
It’s inadvisable to commence festivities by consuming a beverage called ‘Dark and Stormy’.
The father-of-the-bride appreciates being compared to Sean Connery, but not in a ridiculous cod-Connery drawl.
When the stranger sitting next to you at dinner complains about getting a stringy bit of celery stuck in her teeth, one shouldn’t make reference to her husband’s pubic hair.
A string of celery? Is that like a string of garlic?
What a gob that woman must have.
Er, no. But I can see where you’re coming from, so I’m going to change it.
Nice to hear from you again.
And who told you all this? Did you check their credentials? ALWAYS ask to see a warrant card before accepting random bits of spurious advice.
NOT true about the celery thing, btw. Pubic hair remarks are de rigeur.
everywhere’s a dormitory to me at the moment. i fell asleep in a lecture by germaine greer last week – i consider myself lucky not to have had something thrown at me. what’s in a dark and stormy? and why do i never get to sit next to people like you at weddings?
M: Alas, these were all lessons learned first-hand, at various stages of proceedings
R: D+S is half a glass of rum, half a glass of ginger beer. It was developed by NASA.
Dark and Stormy’s are my drink of choice – for future ref: the rum has to be of the dark variety as the name suggests!
Thanks for the clarification, S+S. Never knew you had it in you … for future ref: avoid.
dark and stormy sounds and probably tastes really yummy!
weddings do need a bit of lively action. the ones i’ve been to have been good but traditional. that’s why if i ever get married it will be in las vegas with elvis as the minister.
AAAIIGHHHH!!! Too funny!
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