What Is A Wedding But A Series Of Insipid Follies?

Sunday

24-hours ago – after a purgatorial car journey – we arrived at a lavish country pile to celebrate the nuptials of two friends. Since then, I’ve taken a crash-course in wedding-etiquette, and now know the following.

Churches are neither dormitories, nor places of comedy.

It’s inadvisable to commence festivities by consuming a beverage called ‘Dark and Stormy’.

The father-of-the-bride appreciates being compared to Sean Connery, but not in a ridiculous cod-Connery drawl.

When the stranger sitting next to you at dinner complains about getting a stringy bit of celery stuck in her teeth, one shouldn’t make reference to her husband’s pubic hair.

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11 Responses to What Is A Wedding But A Series Of Insipid Follies?

  1. wyndham says:

    A string of celery? Is that like a string of garlic?

    What a gob that woman must have.

  2. 100 Words says:

    Er, no. But I can see where you’re coming from, so I’m going to change it.

    Nice to hear from you again.

  3. Mangonel says:

    And who told you all this? Did you check their credentials? ALWAYS ask to see a warrant card before accepting random bits of spurious advice.

    NOT true about the celery thing, btw. Pubic hair remarks are de rigeur.

  4. rivergirlie says:

    everywhere’s a dormitory to me at the moment. i fell asleep in a lecture by germaine greer last week – i consider myself lucky not to have had something thrown at me. what’s in a dark and stormy? and why do i never get to sit next to people like you at weddings?

  5. 100 Words says:

    M: Alas, these were all lessons learned first-hand, at various stages of proceedings

    R: D+S is half a glass of rum, half a glass of ginger beer. It was developed by NASA.

  6. short and snappy says:

    Dark and Stormy’s are my drink of choice – for future ref: the rum has to be of the dark variety as the name suggests!

  7. 100 Words says:

    Thanks for the clarification, S+S. Never knew you had it in you … for future ref: avoid.

  8. ally says:

    dark and stormy sounds and probably tastes really yummy!

    weddings do need a bit of lively action. the ones i’ve been to have been good but traditional. that’s why if i ever get married it will be in las vegas with elvis as the minister.

  9. :) thanks, now I know to remove you from my guest list!

  10. AAAIIGHHHH!!! Too funny!

  11. Weddings and Wedding Ceremony Videos

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