When it comes to buying presents, I’m not one of the world’s great innovators. It’s therefore with customary thoughtfulness that I find myself in a shoe shop, in search of a gift for a lady.
After a comprehensive, twenty-three second search, I choose a suitably bland pair of trainers and ask the assistant if she has them in a five. While she scuttles off to the storeroom, I take a seat, feeling pretty smug. On her return, she thrusts the shoes in the direction of my feet, which are the size of rowing boats.
‘You trying these on, or what?’