The first thing to pass my lips today is a pint of strong continental lager. Over the next twelve hours, I supplement this with a further eight pints of strong continental lager, a fried breakfast, four glasses of champagne, tapas, three Mojitos and a cheeseburger.
‘Food soaksh up the alcoshol, yew shee,’ I inform the person who thinks I drink too much.
‘But you just fell asleep in a plate of chips.’
The moral of this particular story is that three square meals a day are good for your health, unless you eat them all in the same pub.