What Is A Wedding But A Series Of Insipid Follies?

May 15, 2007

Sunday

24-hours ago – after a purgatorial car journey – we arrived at a lavish country pile to celebrate the nuptials of two friends. Since then, I’ve taken a crash-course in wedding-etiquette, and now know the following.

Churches are neither dormitories, nor places of comedy.

It’s inadvisable to commence festivities by consuming a beverage called ‘Dark and Stormy’.

The father-of-the-bride appreciates being compared to Sean Connery, but not in a ridiculous cod-Connery drawl.

When the stranger sitting next to you at dinner complains about getting a stringy bit of celery stuck in her teeth, one shouldn’t make reference to her husband’s pubic hair.